Let's Beat Every NES Game on Nintendo Switch Online
All 71 of them.
Anyone else ever log into Nintendo Switch Online’s retro libraries – NES, SNES, Game Boy, any of ‘em really – browse through the games, and think, man, there’s nothing to play?
Sometimes I’ll look at the cluster of bright, goofy covers, filled with games I’ve never played before, never even considered playing, and wonder why Nintendo hasn’t put more games on the service.
These thoughts are ludicrous, I know. But even if you haven’t scrolled through NSO in vain, you’ve probably done this on one or more video streaming services. We’ve all browsed Amazon Prime or Netflix for an hour, looking for something that speaks to us at that very moment, before finally turning on that one episode of “Frasier” or “Seinfeld” we’ve seen a thousand times in utter defeat.
No more, friends. No more looking at virtual menus with furrowed brows and intense dissatisfaction.
I’m going to attempt to do something that many other people have probably attempted before me. I’m going to try to play and beat every game in Nintendo Switch Online retro archives, starting with the NES library. That’s 71 games total, not including the SP versions.
Some of these games, like Donkey Kong aren’t technically beatable, they just go on forever until you get bored or run out of lives. I’ll adjust my parameters of what it means to beat these more arcade-y titles, accordingly.
After I’ve beaten a game, I’ll then document my thoughts/findings on this here Substack. Assuming I don’t quit this endeavor halfway through, once I’m finished with the NES library, I’ll venture to Game Boy, SNES, etc. until I’ve conquered all that the NSO service has to offer.
Really, one of the reasons why I’m doing this is to expand my retro gaming palette. For every Kirby’s Adventure or Super Mario Bros. 3, games I’ve played and enjoyed many times over, there are The Immortal and Earthbound Beginnings, games I’ve perhaps attempted, but never given proper time and care. Since I’m already subscribed to the NSO service, what better, legal way to play and discuss retro games I might not have played otherwise?
The other reason is to perhaps rediscover some gem that I’ve played before, see it with fresh eyes. For example, even though I’ve played The Legend of Zelda a handful of times before, it’s been over a decade since my last playthrough. Who knows how I’ll view the game now with eleven more years of life under my belt.
That’s enough preamble. Onto today’s game, Super Mario Bros.!
But first, some stats!
HOW MANY TIMES PLAYED PREVIOUSLY: Countless
DID I ORIGINALLY ENJOY: T’was the first game I ever played and experienced. It blew my mind.
HAVE I BEATEN THIS BEFORE: Many times.
HOW LONG TO BEAT: Approximately one hour.
BEATING PARAMETERS: No warps. Levels 1-1 through 8-4.
RATING: Original NES version: 10 out of 10. Switch version: 9 out of 10.
Hey, it’s Super Mario Bros. Most people on earth are aware of this game’s existence. People who have never played a game in their life can hum the theme song. I’ve written about SMB at least three or four times for various publications. Thousands of other writers besides me have penned heartfelt, meaningful essays on its greatness, how it saved the console gaming industry in America, so on and so forth. Its influence can’t be overstated.
That said, this writeup is going to focus on my most recent playthrough of Super Mario Bros, not the game’s history itself. If you’re interested in the latter, I’ll post a link to a great video at the end of the article.
The original Super Mario Bros. might be my most played game of all time. I’ve played it countless times on the original NES, the neutered Super Mario All-Stars version for the SNES, on Animal Crossing for the Gamecube, the Wii Virtual Console, and so on. But I’ve never played it on the Switch’s NES library until today.
Initial thoughts? The D-pad on the Switch Pro Controller does not serve these old games well. I can’t tell if it’s too sensitive or not sensitive enough, but either way, Mario feels off balance, like he’s got a touch of vertigo. He’s slippery on the NES version, but the NES controller gives you a better grip on him. If you haven’t played this game for hundreds of hours over several decades, you probably won’t be able to tell, but I certainly could. I probably should have attempted to play with the Joycons, but those abominations are last resorts for just about every game. I wasn’t that desperate.
Once I adjusted as best as I could to the Pro Controller’s D-pad, Super Mario Bros. was as joyous an experience as it always is. I love making Mario run as quickly as possible through each level, barreling over Goombas, Piranha Plants, and Bullet Bills with surprising elegance and grace.
My goal initially was to not use any warps and beat the game as Miyamoto and company intended, one level at a time. After I lost all my lives on level 6-3, however, I decided it would be ok to warp back to world 6 and progress from there. Just as long as I actually played every level.
Dad gum, the second half of Super Mario Bros. is hard. Worlds 7 and 8 really let loose with excess Bullet Bills and Hammer Brothers, but World 6 is no slouch either. Especially 6-3, otherwise known as the Ashen Wasteland, where everything is covered in a grayish white film, and you have to make a series of precarious jumps onto small floating platforms.
Eventually, after losing all my lives twice, I finally made it to world 8-4 and fireballed my way through the real Bowser. For as often as I’ve played this game, I’m not sure I’ve ever taken out Bowser with fire power; usually, I’m small and I just run under him and jump on the axe. A mangled Princess Toadstool is my reward, along with a message telling me to play a new quest and “Select a World with Button B.” Sorry, toots, I got other games to play.
Playing Super Mario Bros. is always a fun time, even with less-than-optimal controls. Still, if I’m really gonna crush my way through 70 more NES titles, I think I should invest in those Bluetooth NES controllers specifically made for Nintendo Switch Online. That way, I’m not constantly nitpicking the controls for all these games.
Also, until this playthrough, I never realized how few coins there are in Super Mario Bros. compared to later Mario games. Sure, underground pipes will lead you to about twenty coins altogether, which is a solid amount. But in any given level, you’ll usually find no more than a dozen coins spread throughout the entire level, not counting the hidden coin blocks. Fascinating!
Super Mario Bros. is the one, the only, the true imperial, eternal champion, a legend that will never fade. Mario came and saw a nascent industry dying, and said, not on my watch, satan. His speed, his prowess, his inimitable good looks, all highlighted in his first adventure, helped resurrect the console gaming industry in America, almost single-handedly. This game deserves all the kudos, all the respect, all the love. Super Mario Bros. showed us all what was possible in video gaming, a limitless expanse of creativity and vitality. May Mario run and jump forever. Who knows, he may just have to save the industry all over again some day.
NEXT TIME: Another classic, Super Mario Bros. 3
Good stuff! I'll look forward to more of these. SMB1 is a game that my brain, on autopilot, will sometimes just load up when I'm not sure how I want to pass a few minutes. And then I always end up getting more into it than I expect. It's far more inviting than any later Mario game. It's so easy to jump back into old 1-1 again and find that I want to just keep going.
On the topic of controllers, I have this controller, which I use on Switch and elsewhere, and I love it.
https://www.8bitdo.com/m30/
It's based on the Genesis 6-button, which isn't quite ideal for NES but it's still a large improvement over the Pro IMHO, and you'll be able to use it on a lot more games than the NES controller will allow. And it's half the price, for half the number of controllers, so that's, uh, something.
Maybe it's just me, but something about the M30 feels perfect in my hands. I loved the feel of the old Genesis 6-button too, my favorite gamepad of the era, and that's coming from a solid Nintendo guy. The M30 is an interesting compromise in that it doesn't have sticks (which feels great if you don't need them), but it has all the other buttons and a D-pad (which can be set to function as d-pad, left-stick, or right-stick, as needed). So you can't quite use it on every game, but you can use it on a lot of games, modern and retro. It's always the one I go for in those cases.
Just know that you'll probably be remapping it.
Great to see you embark on another project like this! And I concur: Mr. Parish’s videos are really good.