NINTENDO CONSOLES RANKED: Worst to Best, Part 1

My 3 Least Favorite Nintendo Consoles

Ah yes, the “listicle.” You know the kind!

“Top 10 Reasons to Shave Your Nosehair!”

“Mulder and Scully’s Best Arguments, Ranked!”

That sort of AI-generated crap that most people despise, but click on anyway because they can’t help it.

But I’m not talking about “The 8 Lego Sets You Can’t Afford!” today, oh no. Today, I’m ranking all the Nintendo consoles - the NES, SNES, N64, Gamecube, Wii, Wii U, and the Switch – from worst to best. The handhelds will get their own separate “worst to best” list at a future date, because this console list was hard enough.

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Nintendo is special. Not just because they make great games and unique hardware, but because their consoles are often a person’s first experience with video games. How many millions of kids were delighted by a Mario or Zelda game growing up? Or these days, Animal Crossing or Splatoon? Nintendo properties do a fantastic job at captivating the imagination and stirring the spirit, particularly in children. To the point where even if people start gaming on Playstation, Xbox, or PC, Nintendo will always hold a warm, nostalgic place in their heart.

I grew up with all of Nintendo’s consoles, even the ones that disappointed me. My first was the NES back in 1989, followed by the SNES in 1992. If I wasn’t gifted them for Christmas, I purchased them with my own money later in life. Out of all the main console manufacturers in my lifetime – Sega, Sony, and Microsoft – Nintendo has had the most lasting impact.

The parameters for this list are simple. Did I enjoy the console growing up? Do I enjoy the console now? Do I think the console will stand the test of time? In other words, this is a completely subjective list, as it should be. I’ll list the sales numbers and the amount of games produced for the console in its lifetime, but these stats will have no bearing on each individual console’s ranking.

I should note that I don’t hate any of these consoles, even my least favorite. Every Nintendo system has its fair share of solid games, and if I wanted to play a specific title that’s tied to a respective system, I would absolutely boot it up today. But to paraphrase Morrissey, some consoles are better than others. Otherwise, man would not need to rank them in a list such as this.

Alright, I think that covers everything. Now, are you ready to disagree? Let’s do this!

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#7 – NINTENDO 64

FIRST RELEASED: September 29^th, 1996 (US)

SALES: 32.93 million worldwide

GAMES: approx. 388

Somewhere, off in the distance, Generation-Z rips their clothes and throws ashes in the air.

I know for many late twenty/early thirty-somethings, the Nintendo 64 was their console. And I get it. Super Mario 64. Blast Corps. Goldeneye 007. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Banjo-Kazooie. Donkey Kong 64. Paper Mario. Not all of these games, particularly the Rare platformers, are my cup of tea, but I can’t deny their impact.

The problem for my demographic, the older Millennials, is that we grew up with the NES and the SNES. The NES made console gaming great again, and the SNES bombarded humanity with a seemingly never-ending stream of classics. In 1996, with two outstanding successes under their belt, many of us thought Nintendo could do no wrong.

For a time, we were correct. Super Mario 64 absolutely revolutionized the industry, and its influence can’t be understated. Not many games can sustain a system singlehandedly, but Mario 64 did just that for a time. But after several months of being on the market, Mario 64 was still the best the Nintendo 64 had to offer, outside of some mediocre third-party titles and the “ok, I guess” Pilotwings 64. Indeed, as the glow of Mario 64’s light waned in the first half of 1997, it became clear that all was not well with Nintendo’s third console.

Throughout the Nintendo 64’s lifespan, noteworthy game releases emerged in a slow trickle, both third and first-party. Third-parties were not happy with Nintendo’s decision to use expensive cartridges as their proprietary format, and Nintendo themselves struggled to make 3D games in-house. Entire genres, like the RPG and survival horror, were all but absent on the N64 (Quest 64 and Resident Evil 2 barely count). Family-friendly 3D platformers abounded, and while some of Rare’s titles in this field were technically excellent, the bulk just felt like expanded iterations of Mario 64. (That said, Rare is absolutely the savior of the Nintendo 64. Without their work, the console wouldn’t be nearly as well-remembered today as it is.)

During this time, money was limited in our household, so I never owned a ton of N64 titles. I gorged on what I could: Super Mario 64, Killer Instinct Gold, Starfox 64, Diddy Kong Racing, Ocarina of Time, and Harvest Moon 64. I played through the entirety of Banjo Kazooie, not because I liked it, but because I asked for it for Christmas; by the time I realized the game was disappointing, I figured I should at least finish it. Majora’s Mask was another Christmas gift that, while appreciated, I didn’t enjoy until years later.

I rented games from Blockbuster a lot during this time, and unfortunately, most N64 games were proper pants. Cruisin USA, Clay Fighter 63 1/3, Turok: Dinosaur Hunter, Duke Nukem 64, etc. I read game magazines, I knew these games didn’t get the best scores, but friends, I can’t stress this enough: outside of Nintendo and Rare’s titles, there just wasn’t much to play, so I rented and played whatever I could. Even games that EGM and GamePro liked at the time, like Mario Kart 64 and 1080 Snowboarding, I couldn’t get into. And for some reason, I never owned Goldeneye 007, so I rented that about a dozen times.

I was there… I remember…

Meanwhile, the Playstation was overwhelmed with amazing Capcom, Konami, Square, and Sony-developed titles. Big, beefy, mature games, several discs long, full of amazing cutscenes and CD-quality audio soundtracks. To me at the time, Playstation looked more and more like gaming’s future, while Nintendo seemed stuck in the past.

By the time early 2001 rolled around and the N64 was winding down, the beleaguered console was long in the tooth. The Dreamcast and PS2 were out, 3D games were looking better and better, and outside of Perfect Dark and Paper Mario, the N64 had little to offer.

I can’t stress how disappointed I was in the N64 as a kid. The console should have been a sure thing. Until the late 90s, Nintendo consoles always had the best exclusive games, the sharpest graphics and sound, the most variety, etc. Whether due to hubris or just severely underestimating the strength of their main competitor, Nintendo absolutely dropped the ball here. My least favorite Nintendo system by a wide margin.

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#6: WII

FIRST RELEASED: November 19^th, 2006 (US)

SALES: 101.63 million (worldwide)

GAMES: approx. 1,638 games released physically, 430 games released for Wii Ware, and between 659-800 Virtual Console games. For an approx. total of 2700 games, give or take.

By some miracle, I got the Wii on launch day. Not because I camped out for days prior, not because I knew the specific store that had lots of stock. No, my roommate that morning had convinced me we should go find one. I thought he was nuts, but I liked his moxie, so off we went.

Our nearby Target was a bust. The employees were kind enough to tell us that the head count in the line wrapped around their building exceeded their stock, so we didn’t even bother waiting.

We drove to Best Buy. Another huge line. This time, though, no one seemed to know how many Wiis were here. We got in line, and within thirty minutes of waiting, an employee announced that they would be handing out tickets in order of arrival. Whoever received a ticket would be able to purchase a Wii.

The employee kept moving towards us, handing out tickets. I expected them to run out a few people ahead of us, so we could go home. But it didn’t happen. We got the second to last ticket, and not long after, walked away with a Wii, an extra Wiimote with nunchuk, and The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. I couldn’t believe it. Thanks to my roommate and his supreme convincing skills, we now had the new Nintendo console.

Once we got home, we called all our friends over, created countless, ridiculous Miis, and played Wii Sports all day long. Between waiting in line, the sheer luck of getting a Wii, and the many hours of in-person hilarious multiplayer, November 19^th, 2006 remains one of my favorite gaming memories.

And, for about 18 months, the Wii was my favorite Nintendo console. Twilight Princess. Wii Sports. Trauma Center: Second Opinion. Super Paper Mario. Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition. Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree. Mario Strikers Charged. Super Mario Galaxy. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. Boom Blox. No complaints here.

The Wii was nearly impossible to find for about three years after its release, which made playing these games all the sweeter. Due to the console’s accessibility and ease of play, the Wii became a cultural phenomenon that captivated gamers and casuals alike.

Something happened with Smash Bros. Brawl, however. While I applauded the game’s scope, cast of characters, and general mayhem, the game just wasn’t that good. The Wiimote/nunchuk controller combination was particularly awful for a fighting game that required precise controls. Thankfully, you could connect Gamecube controllers and play that way, but even then, the game felt too floaty and slow compared to Smash Bros. Melee’s insane kinetic energy.

Not nearly as epic as this screenshot looks.

After the Brawl disappointment, the Wii fell off hard for me. The system continued to sell gangbusters for the next couple years, but few games came out that were worth playing. In fact, the console was known mostly for its shovelware, or as we call them today, mobile games. Even the Nintendo-developed titles, the usual saviors of any Nintendo console, were lackluster. Mario Kart Wii, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, and Skyward Sword in particular are shockingly dull, especially given the pedigree of those respective franchises. Super Mario Galaxy 2, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Kirby’s Return to Dreamland, and Fortune Street were four shining outliers at the end of the Wii’s lifespan, but otherwise, I was disappointed with what the console had to offer post-2008.

“But Dylan, what about Virtual Console?” Yeah, I’ll admit, Virtual Console was a cool idea and somewhat ahead of its time. The limited money I threw around for videogames in the Wii-era primarily went to new titles, though, not ones I either already owned or had no interest in playing. When your gaming budget is tight and you really want to play Super Mario Galaxy, decisions must be made.

The Wii is particularly hard to return to today. The Wiimote/nunchuk combination which felt so intuitive and unique in 2006 absolutely grates my nerves in 2024. Needing AA batteries just to use the required controller feels so antiquated and annoying now, as does any game that requires waggling or pointing directly at the screen. As with any Nintendo console, I am absolutely grateful for the memories the system provided, either by myself or with others. But the Wii is up there with the N64 as the Nintendo console I play the least.

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#5 – SWITCH

FIRST RELEASED: March 3^rd, 2017 (Worldwide)

SALES: 139.36 million consoles shipped as of December 2023

GAMES: no definitive number, but between physically released titles and eShop exclusives, upwards of 5,000 games

I promise, I’m not trying to be a contrarian. Few self-respecting Nintendo fans, myself included, aren’t grateful for the Switch. The console was an absolute Hail Mary play, one that, if it failed, might have been the end of Nintendo’s hardware business altogether after the underperforming Wii U. And yet, against all odds, it’s their best-selling console - and nearly their best-selling handheld as well, next to the Nintendo DS’ 154 million units. And all because of the system’s brilliant ability to play console-quality games on the go or at home with the dock.

I don’t have any problem whatsoever with the Switch. It has an overwhelmingly great library of games from both Nintendo and third-parties. Many of Nintendo’s best series have been well-represented here, including the underappreciated Metroid and Pikmin. Depending on who you ask, Mario and Zelda got their best titles with Super Mario Odyssey and Breath of the Wild. And if you didn’t buy a Wii U, the Switch received nearly all of its predecessor’s best games, save for a couple that relied too heavily on the tablet controller.

But here’s the thing… the Switch wasn’t made for me, a guy in his late thirties who still happens to love Nintendo. This is not a bad thing, by any means. I just have no emotional attachment to it whatsoever. It’s a piece of hardware that happens to run a bunch of great Nintendo games, nothing more. And while I feel like that should count for more than it does in my mind, it just doesn’t.

I’m just glad the kids are playing Nintendo again.

The lifeless interface, the laggy eShop, the backwards voice chat options, and the Joy-Con drift are all real problems with the Switch that I hope get addressed in Nintendo’s next console. But none of these issues affect how I feel about the Switch at this present moment.

I’m so glad the Switch exists. I’m so glad it got Nintendo out of their rut and made them and their properties relevant to a whole new generation. But when I reflect on what the console means to me, all I’m left with are some games, its revelatory gimmick and its absurdly high sales numbers. Plenty of evidence to consider the Switch an excellent console in its own right, but not one that touches me as deeply as the next four.

*Switch wallpaper courtesy of Reddit user eaw213

NEXT TIME: Part 2 - My 4 Favorite Nintendo Consoles